Jules Renard once said, “Being bored is an insult to oneself.”
It is like he was speaking to only me.
I live with the constant fear that no mater what I achieve I will always want more.
What is the point in working 80 hours per week to achieve nothing with nothing-people. I know that sounds angry, and it it is. And you know what else? I understand a person’s ability to be angry. Fighting for no or small reasons, doing silly things – luckily I channeled a lot of my early life (16-22) anger into sport. Playing rugby is a release for anger as is pushing yourself in the gym, track or on a bike until it really really hurts.
I only had one reason in life to be angry, and compared to most things that people go though it it is nothing – but to me, and at the time, it was a big deal for me. I’m just trying to be honest here. Yes I was angry and I’m the type of person who wants to know why and know the reason why you feel a certain way, and why things happen. Things happen for a reason.
I was angry because I’m dyslexic.
When I think about the times I was really angry there are two clear times in my life that really stand out.
Being dyslexic at a posh grammar school was not fun. I was not the best in my class. And I like being the best. Being dyslexic meant I could not learn things in the same way. What was more frustrating was that I knew I was smarter other people but I just couldn’t express how smart I really was. I got no respect.
That made me angry.
I got my respect in other places – not in the classroom. Those places were in Sport and well girls…
The anger-dyslexic-based school experience reminds me of the Paul Simon Kodachrome lyrics “I think back to all the crap I learnt at school. It’s a wonder I can think at all. My lack of education hasn’t hurt me none. I can read the writing on the wall.”
I got the respect I graved by always having a good story. By being able to hold a conversation, by being charming as possible. If you are interesting, and have had a interesting life then who cares about grades and tests.
So with friends we organized the best parties. We cycled 2000 Mikes through Europe. I was the person who never said no to a drink.
That helped, a bit.
2. A year ago
I was angry a year ago.
I was angry because I was bored again like at school know I can do better. I know that sounds big headeded or arrogant but I know I can. In fact I know I could have done better work-wise, but it just didn’t work out. Actually is that my fault it didn’t work out? maybe. I just don’t think it suits they way I do things. Like in school I didn’t learn in classes doing tests. At work I can’t do one things over and over. I need freedom to be creative to do different things.
Between anger number 1 and anger number 2 I was working for a small internet marketing agency in London learning and doing amasing things with great customers. I miss it. Oh and I was running a small male grooming website on the side.
I told myself I wanted that again, but without going backwards. So I did and here I am.
With two great developers we are building Kickdynamic an exciting set of products that improves email marketing performance by bringing live content into email.
It feels great to be doing something. It feels great to be publishing this.
Do you feel great?